Boundary issues

When Mary started her placement she was really keen to get to know everyone in the office and become their friend. She spent lots of time talking to people in her team as well as in the neighbouring programs. Before long, Mary started inviting herself to join in on personal and work related conversations, client appointments and would even open the doors to rooms where private meetings were being held so that she could see if she ‘could sit in’. Mary also started to bring extravagant gifts to give to staff members and even to clients. When Mary started turning up to the office when it was not a placement day, I knew I had to say something. I asked to have a chat with Mary and tried to subtly get the message across by discussing in general terms how it was important to have good boundaries when working in an office and that bringing gifts wasn’t necessary. But instead of understanding what I was getting at Mary just agreed with her and shared how she thought she had great professional boundaries. Mary also reassured me that bringing gifts was no problem as she really enjoyed giving them. I was a bit dumbfounded that Mary wasn’t getting the hint and didn’t want to hurt her feelings so ended the conversation hoping that Mary would start acting more professionally in the office.

Key Considerations:

  • Professional boundaries
  • Giving effective feedback

What went well?

  • I acknowledged that she needed to have a conversation with the student and attempted to address the issue.
  • I was mindful of not being disrespectful to the student or ‘hurting their feelings’

What didn’t go so well?

  • Although I had noticed and was concerned about Mary’s professional boundaries, I didn’t act on them until the problems had escalated to crisis point.
  • My chat with Mary did not address issues properly. By talking about the concerns in ‘general terms’ and by choosing not to challenge Mary’s response where she felt that she had ‘great boundaries’ and it was ok for her to continue giving gifts. By choosing to ‘hope’ that Mary will eventually work it out on her own, I was knowingly subjecting her staff and clients to inappropriate behaviour, setting a bad example and in some ways sending a message that it’s ok for other people to do the same. I was also potentially setting Mary up to fail.
  • Mary has not had the opportunity to learn and grow from the experience and importantly begin make changes to her behaviour.

What might you do differently next time:

  • Address the issue with Mary as soon as you observe her inviting herself to join in on private conversations. By addressing the issue early it means that your conversation will be easier as you won’t have as much to address.
  • Raise the issue during supervision by suggesting you want to discuss an important aspect of professional development – professional boundaries – and start off by asking her what she thinks having ‘good’ professional boundaries means/looks like? This will give you a chance to clarify and address any issues. Can she give you some examples of how she has achieved this already and perhaps some examples of times when she hasn’t? It’s important to also provide her with your own clear examples of when you have noticed her doing both.
  • Explore what might be some ‘unintended consequences’ of having poor professional boundaries. For example, by inviting herself into private conversations she is unknowingly putting that person in a difficult position. It might mean that they are then breaching confidentially and have to stop what they are talking about which in turn impacts on their capacity to complete their work, engage in a much needed debrief or get support from their colleague.
  • Remind her that it’s perfectly ok not to be an expert at this straight away but that it’s important for her to remain mindful of them at all time. Encourage her to bring more examples to your next supervision session so you can talk about them together.
  • Include this as an ongoing agenda item in your supervision and develop some strategies for Mary to work on and report back on regularly, include these in her learning plan